johnny depp, pictures, films, biography, life

Make Your Own... 'Johnny' Depp!

I always make the Missus a present for her birthday or for Xmas.

hairdryer and a puppet theatre version of Guys And Dolls when I

initially thought I couldn't get tickets for her.

But this year is my opus magnus of self-built presents. And even

better it's what practically every woman in the world wants - their

very own 'Johnny' Depp. So here's how you do it...

INGREDIENTS

A five-pack of Durex

Two bendy plastic spines for binding documents

Sellotape

A picture of Johnny Depp

METHOD

Carefully open the Durex packet and remove the contents. Attach the

plastic spines inside the top and bottom of the empty packet and bend

so they make the shape of legs and arms. Take two Durex and attach as

feet and take two Durex and attach as hands. Then attach the remaining

Durex as a neck. Take the picture of Johnny Depp and cut out the head.

Attach the picture to the neck Durex and voila. 'Johnny' Depp!

ALTERNATIVES

If the woman in your life is a rugby fan it could be 'Johnny'

Wilkinson, if she's a former punk it could be 'Johnny' Rotten and if

she's a Corrie fan it could be 'Johnny' Briggs. The main gag, though,

is obviously that the UK slang for Durex is 'Johnnies' so it really